Staci Smith is a 3rd-generation SF Bay Area native. A Deadhead since 15, at 43 she created Strangers Stopping Strangers, a digital platform in the spirit of the Grateful Dead to share a daily dose of the legendary SF band with the global Deadhead community. Staci’s become a dear friend, and sometimes that means we go deep. The light and the dark, y’all …
SS: One day, years ago, I made this analogy: the heaviness of a depression, when you’re in it, is like the fog. And even though you know the bridge is there, that the headlands are on one side and SF is on the other — you just can’t see it. And it’s scary when you see it starting to settle and you’ve been stuck underneath layers of it for a long period of time, and you just don’t know if it’s gonna lift.
Depression is like a heavy blanket. It’s like jet lag. You just can’t pull yourself out. It’s almost alluring because you don’t have to try anymore. It’s a surrender, but you’re surrendering to darkness, and that’s not good.
HSV: I was freaking out recently about money, about what the hell am I doing — all that crap. I felt numb and disconnected. Suddenly I was drawn to the ocean. Felt surreal. I was pulled there. It was Labor Day weekend. A zillion people. I felt removed, alone, self-conscious. Then I found myself at the ocean’s edge, staring at the sun, giving gratitude.
SS: That’s the antidote, right? Looking at the sun, the light versus the fog. The yin and the yang. I’ve been in and out of some dark and some light, and it always comes back to the Grateful Dead for me. There’s a song for every space, every shade of the spectrum.
HSV: I think when people get depressed or go into the dark, they’re afraid that they’re not good enough or people won’t like them or they’re not this or that enough because of this outside concern of being accepted. As I get older I’m like, you know what? I don’t care if somebody cares that I have a hole in my shirt. Who fucking cares!
SS: I totally feel that way. I give less fucks every year. The fucks keep going away. The whole reason I go on is to bring a smile to people. The positive SO outweighs the negative.
HSV: Season of the Witch, Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz, that journey from black and white into color. It takes guts to find the joy. It’s not always unicorns and rainbows.
SS: God no! I knew this conversation was gonna bring me out. Always talking to you and talking about San Francisco, it always brings light. There’s always a break in whatever fog that’s going on. Even in the last hour, I’ve experienced dark and light, and yeah, you have to be grateful for the light, and then power through.
Step into Dead space at Staci’s website: www.strangersstoppingstrangers.com. Let your love light shine!
